Dear Abby: Ep. 9; The Fantasy Suite Shocker & A Monkey Attacks Chris

The final 3 ladytestants are jetted off to Bali to find love with Mr. Farmington and his huge muscles.
Finally, he takes them somewhere worthwhile! Geez.
If I were one of the ladies I would be thinking
“What the heckkkkk” by now.
I mean New Mexico, South Dakota, Iowa… Seriously?!
Snoooozeeeee.

There’s a theme here ladies;
Can you find love in the most boring places?

Monkeying Around with Kaitlyn

Farmer Chris takes Kaitlyn to a holy temple, followed with an attempt at playing with the monkeys.
One monkey leaps on to Chris’s back to steal a banana,
while another one pees straight on him. Classic.

Later at dinner, Kaitlyn is visibly nervous about finally
opening up to Chris about her feelings for him.

"I am completely falling in love with you, and it's terrifying," she said. "But it's such a good feeling at the same time, and I'm just really happy with the way it's gone to get here."

The Fantasy Suite Card is revealed, which Kaitlyn obliges.
Up in the fantasy suite, Kaitlyn tells Chris she
is falling in love with him,
which he shockingly responds with
“I’m falling in love with you too.”

Doesn’t he know you’re not supposed to say that yet?!
Poor poor oblivious Chris. If she isn’t the one that he chooses,
he is gonna have some explaining to do.

Yachting with Whitney

Whitney and Chris spend the day on a huge yacht drinking wine eating fruit, and basking in the sun. Laying on a perfectly positioned picnic setup on the front of the Yacht,
Whitney tells Chris that this all feels very natural with him and that she feels like this could be there every day life.
They have yachts in Iowa right?

At dinner, Chris voices his biggest insecurity about the boringness of Arlington, Iowa (I paraphrased).
Whitney secured his love by responding with,

"I firmly believe that life takes you places, and it's not where you are, it's who you're with."

She too got a key to the Fantasy Suite, along with a
“I’m falling in love with you too.”

Oh Chris, there is a dog house in your future for sure.

“Making Love” with Becca

Similar to Kaitlyn’s date, Chris and Becca wander around Bali for a while, before eventually asking for advice about taking the next step in their relationship from some Bali natives,
who respond with “Make Love.”
Ha. Ha. Ha.
Chris is like a giddy schoolgirl &
Becca looks like she just wet her pants.

Later, in the Fantasy Suite,
Becca finally reveals to Chris that she is a Virgin.
He responds with another sub-par speech about how it’s hard to respond to that, but it’s very respectable.

Come on dude, get someone to give you some cue-cards.
#helpabrotherout

The curtains are drawn, there is some kissing, then a voice-over of Becca saying,

"I'm so excited. Now that that's out of the way I'm ready to have some alone time and take advantage of this. I have constantly said that I'm waiting for marriage. The reality is that this is a situation where I'm falling in love and I've been waiting for a long time to feel this. I'm 100 percent in," she added. "I'm all in. I'm excited to see what happens."

My guess is that they didn’t actually have sex, but producers sure set it up like they did.

The morning after, we see Becca walking alone on the beach as Chris sits brooding with his feet in a
luxurious pool with the most stunning background.
Farmer Chris reflects on the morning with Becca stating that
“It left him with more questions” and that
“he wasn’t really sure what she wanted.”

I really hope we are talking about life and not sex.
Because THAT would give Chris Harrison premise to state
that this, in fact, “Is the most dramatic episode ever!”

Then, at the rose ceremony…

Chris and the 3 ladytestants are instructed not to show any kind of affection further than hand-holding,
to respect the traditions of the temple.

The 3 women anxiously await, in Kimonos,
to see if they will be one of the lucky final two to meet
The Mr. Farmington Family.

Chris walks down in his little white sheet and pulls Becca away to chat one-on-one. After assuring him that she is open to moving to Arlington, he brings her back down to where the other two women await, shocked.

And so is the rest of America. Wait, he didn’t send Becca home? So that means that Kaitlyn or Whitney are going home?
Complete Shock. I thought Becca was a goner for sure.

So, Kaitlyn gets the boot, and she is completely stunned.

I feel terrible for her, but I’m also super happy because that means her witty ass will probably be the next bachelorette J