We begin the episode
with Kelsey’s hysteric crying as she lays on the floor in the midst of a “panic
attack.”
When the nurse asks
her what she can do to help,
Kelsey responds “Chris.”
Wow, could you be
more obvious?
If I were one of the
other women, I would have gone
absolute bananas.
So Chris gives her a kiss and what do you know,
SHE’S CURED!
It’s all butterflies and twinkle toes now.
In Kaitlyn’s words,
“ I wish I could punch her in her teeth
hole!”
I couldn’t agree
more girl.
Ashley I. raises a very
probable question in her interview,
“what
if she’s lying about the husband thing?”
Then, after what I assume was a look of
non-verbal agreement from the crew, she asks
“do you have paperwork?”
Kelsey receives
Chris’s last rose and
Samantha and Mackenzie are sent packing.
Production ploy for sure.
One-on-One
Date:
The date card
arrives for Becca,
who is the only girl left who hasn’t kissed him.
They ride horses and
Chris states that it’s
“the most honest, real date, I’ve ever been
on.”
It’s also the most boring.
The producers must
agree, which is why they cut down the entire date to fill about 2 minutes of
a 2 hour long show.
Back at the house, the girls confront Kelsey
about her fakeness as they all sit very awkwardly on the same couch.
Kelsey informs the
girls that the reason they don’t like her is because she uses
big words
and is “blessed
with eloquence.”
Delusional is what
you are.
Group
Date:
The girls are sent
to an old school saloon where they meet
Big &
Rich, who instructs them to write a song about
their journey thus far with Chris.
Basically, my nightmare.
If I was foolish
enough to go on The Bachelor,
that would be the date that I would beg
him not to take me on.
The girls are all
troopers about it though.
Despite that Whitney & Jade are both visibly nervous,
no tears are shed. Which is usually par
for the course on these type of public humiliation dates.
Chris and Britt escape
the group and run to join Big & Rich on
stage, where he presents Britt with the rose.
The couple spends an
hour kissing and dancing..
dancing and kissing…
while the rest of the girls are left waiting
at the Saloon twiddling their thumbs.
Upon returning to
the saloon,
Chris and Britt are met by a group of very pissed off women. Unable to withstand
the tension,
Chris excuses himself allowing the girls
to
“have the night to themselves.”
Bad move Farmer.
Now you can cue the
tears.
(we
knew it was too good to be true)
The
Two-on-One Date:
The dreaded
two-on-one has finally come!
This particular date never fails to excite.
Crazy
#1 and Crazy #2
are chosen to face off for Famer Chris’s heart in the Badlands
The name really couldn’t be more fitting.
So, it’s just Chris,
Kelsey, Ashley, and the vast open desert…
oh and a canopy bed??
Ashley
gets
one-on-one time first and
immediately informs Chris that Kelsey is absolute bonkers.
Growing up in Iowa, Chris is ill-informed in the art
of gossip.
So like a little school girl, he skips over to Kelsey
and tells her exactly what Ashley just said.
Kelsey makes up some
mumbo jumbo and relates it back to her deceased husband somehow.
Did you know Kelsey was married…. and her husband died??
Yeah, we got it.
Kelsey gets back to the canopy bed, sits
down next to Ashley, and glares at her for what seams like eternity.
Ashley can’t stand
the tension and runs away crying.
Unfortunately crying won’t help her though.
In the midst of her tears,
Chris breaks the news that she’s just
too high-maintenance for his lifestyle and sends her packing.
uhhh ya think?
Not willing to go down alone,
Ashley drags Britt under the bus with her, exclaiming
“and you think Britt isn’t!?”
Touché Kardashley, touché.
After Chris tells
Kelsey that he sent home Ashley,
she feeds him some BS about it being “a
loss.”
Oh can it, Kelsey.
But rather than sit through one of her soliloquy’s,
Chris cuts straight to the chase and gives her the boot too.
Ha! Sayonara pyscho.
Back at the hotel,
the girls immediately pop open the champagne
screaming “he’s so smart!”
Love it.
Labels: The Bachelor Diaries
